Monday, February 11, 2013

Borderline

I'm one of those people you can consider fat or skinny based on who I'm being compared to. And I'm sick of it! I just want to be skinny. But I need more self reservation. I always give up and eat food that's bad for me or just over eat in general. I want to be more confident and I think this is the only I way I can be. I don't want to b lazy anymore. So I'm going to try and fast for a few days. To help motivate me I'm going to think about how squishy my stomach is every time before I eat. 10:08 121lbs

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Day 1

January 12, 2013 1:00pm 118lbs I haven't eaten anything so far. Fingers crossed it will stay that way! I have been drinking water though. Idk what else to write... In a few hours I might weight myself again.
Haha soooo this did not work... I went downstairs and me and my mom ended up making some cheesy nachos! There were really good so I really don't feel bad about it. Haha I don't think fasting is the best thing for me....

Friday, January 11, 2013

Fasting

So I'm going to try fasting for a few days to try and lose some weight. I don't really have a specific goal weight or anything, I just want to look skinnier. If that makes any sense. Anyways I'll write everything down each day as I go. I hope this will help me keep fasting. I'm going to start tomorrow! Haha I guess we'll see how this goes... I've tried before but I wasn't able to not eat anything. I will still drink water, though. Duh! I just hope I don't get dizzy or anything...

Actually, though, I did fast for a day... It was on homecoming and I had a date for the first time. I didn't really even think about not eating... It was sorta subconcious. Like I knew I didn't want to look fat so eat didn't eat only that wasn't really how I planned it. I didn't think about it I just did it. And the next day I felt so dizzy when I woke up I almost passed out!! It was scary... But I took a shower and ate some food and I was fine after that.

I'm 15. I weight 120lbs and I'm 5'4".

HW: 127
LW: unknown

GW: 110
UGW: 110-105

Eat

I will not eat.
I am strong.
I will not eat.
I just want to belong.
I will not eat.
I want to be light.
I will not eat.
I want my muscles tight.
I will not eat.
I will be thin.
I will not eat.
I will be happy in my own skin.
A sorta morid poem I wrote... Don't worry I'm not going to starve myself to death or anything. It's more like I won't over eat or eat when I'm not hungry.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Run

As she ran faster and faster through the bitter cold weather her heart soared and she imagined herself flying. The slapping of her feet on the pavement reminded her of waves splashing together in the ocean. She knew that running was her passion although most of her friends didn't get her love for it. But she didn't care when she ran she felt free like nothing could touch her. But she knew she had to go back home so she looped back and went home. Her freedom dewindling the closer she got.

The changing of ME

Change happens alot in our lives. You might move to a different school or state, your old friends might move away, you might get new friends, you might try new things, how you dress might change to fit the current fashions, you might have a boyfriend and so much more. And the one thing there's no getting past is 'growing up'. You have no choice but to. And although we think we want to grow up when we're little, we ended up wanting to stay little. There is so much responsiblity as an adult. Now since I'm still young, I'm not going to talk about that yet.

I myself have experienced alot of changes. I have phyically as well as mentally changed. I'll make lists describing the changes.

2011-2012:
Friends: Mostly all smarter, sorta dorky, and only girls.
Asia- I knew her from 5th grade and I didn't like her then but we became closer as the year progressed. We both kinda had the same style and both experimented with fashion that year, along with talking about boys, gossiping and bonding over the amounts of homework we had. And we became really good friends. ( Although I don't think we were ever besties)
Anime- She was obsessed with all things Japanese. We wern't really that close because she didn't like to talk about boys and she was in all honors classes so she was more focused on her studies.
Michele- We became in friends in German class because we were both sorta quiet and loved books.
Sally- We had art class together. We were opposites because she was loud and obnoxious while I was the opposite. But we both liked Glee and had some more classes together so we talked and became friends.
-I was timid and shy; I sucked at talking to people that were popular and weren't book worms.
-I never dared flirting with a guy or had any inklings of having a relationship or even a date.
-I wore a skirt maybe twice, but no dresses.
-I mostly read in my free time.
-I went over to one person's house (Sally's)
-My hair color changed from a dirty brownish blond to dark brown to blonde. (Because of dye of course)
2012-2013:
Friends: Much more than last year I don't feel like naming them all but I'll tell you some.
Kitty!! - So at the start of the year I had a goal to become new friends with someone that I could actually be besties with, and Kitty and I just clicked. We both loved to read, had 3 classes in common, both found the same boys attractive, and loved cats!! Haha and we only knew eachother in the lunch we had so we were sorta forced to talk to eachother and become besties. We pretty much tell each other everything! haha
Micheal- I knew no one in my German class this year so I had no one to sit by or talk to really so I ended up sitting by him. We had the awkwardness of being new friends but since we only talked to eachother we became friends fast. And we also found alot of the same things funny. And we both pretty much sucked at German. ( And I'll admit he sucked a little less than me.)
And that's it until I feel like adding more.
-I had more confidence being new friends with Kitty I sorta learned again how to make friends, talk to guys, and come up with radom conversation.
- I flirted with a guy at a football game. It was a big mistake though because it turns out that he was a freshman and he kept showing up to Basketball games I cheered for. So I had to avoid him alot. I also gave him my number like an idiot, but I stopped answering him because seriously? I would never date someone younger than me.
-I waved at random guys. (Sorta flirty)
-I didn't care as much about what people think of me.
-I dressed more bold and developed a style (sorta).
-I dyed my hair once more and returned it back to a brownish color before school started.
-I wore makeup everyday (well at least mascera)

These are just a few changes I'm sure there's alot I forgot but I can always add them in later if I want.